Friday, May 29, 2015

Eyes on the Prize.

The past 5 weeks, Jonathan and I have experienced more than any 35 and 30 year old should ever experience. We have seen thing I wish we could unsee. We have heard things I wish we could unhear.  We have felt things I wish we could unfeel. We've thought things I wish we could unthink.


But there, in all my temporal problems, stands Jesus.


The past 5 weeks, Jonathan and I have experienced more than some 35 and 30 years old will ever get to experience. We have seen God's power, might and love for us in the details of our life- how he has been preparing us and through the kindness of others. We have heard His voice through His word and song. We have felt his presence and He has never left our side.

In all of our trials Stands Jesus. In all our troubles stands Jesus. He is unwavered. My world may have been rocked and thrown upside down but He stands just as He has always stood. My eyes are fixed on him.

2 Corinthians 12:9-10  “But he said to me, “My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness.” Therefore I will boast all the more gladly about my weaknesses, so that Christ’s power may rest on me.  That is why, for Christ’s sake, I delight in weaknesses, in insults, in hardships, in persecutions, in difficulties. For when I am weak, then I am strong.”

2 Corinthians 4:16-18  “Therefore we do not lose heart. Though outwardly we are wasting away, yet inwardly we are being renewed day by day.  For our light and momentary troubles are achieving for us an eternal glory that far outweighs them all.  So we fix our eyes not on what is seen, but on what is unseen, since what is seen is temporary, but what is unseen is eternal.”

1 Corinthians 10:13  “No temptation has overtaken you except what is common to mankind. And God is faithful; he will not let you be tempted beyond what you can bear. But when you are tempted, he will also provide a way out so that you can endure it.”

God is bigger than this and Jesus can fix-it. 

Thursday, May 28, 2015

Appointments and a Question

It has begun... We have been to Dallas twice this week with another trip planned for today. Today is the radiation mask fitting. I'm going to be honest, It doesn't get much more fun... Forget Disney, we are going to Baylor. 

A friend gave me this sign. I love this sign. 
 The only thing I would change is sparkle in my eye to lipstick on. My Memaw would always say, "You'll feel better once you put your lipstick on." True Story. It really does make you feel better. It makes your face look complete, your hair look better and instantly takes off 10 pounds from your hips. But one rule to lipstick- you have to wear a lip liner. Lipstick is worthless without a lip liner. Words to live by. By Mary Bost. You are Welcome.

Team Jonathan waiting in the waiting room.
 Lucy getting ready for school. I'm so thankful she loves her brother. I never had a brother and was worried about their relationship. Sometimes I feel sad that she doesn't have a sister but she doesn't seem to care. They are BFFs.

 Aunt Emily needed to stop by the mall so we tagged along. I don't shop the mall because I'm cheap. I'd rather go to TJ Maxx, Frisco resale or the goodwill to dig in the countless racks for treasures.

Poor Henry... This is how I felt too.
 But he liked the lego display.
 and the chickfila.
 Aunt Emily. (If you would like to marry Aunt Emily you can email me.)
 Yesterday we ventured down to Dallas again. We met with the Radiation Doctor. It was a very encouraging appointment.

After the appointment I made J take a picture with me.
 By the second picture he was over it.
 I sure do love this man. I'm thankful for him more and more everyday. I'm glad our babies look just like him, too.
(Thank you Dayle for the Matilda Jane pretties. I told Jonathan we had to take a picture to say thank you and that was the only reason he took a picture with me! So, thank you for that too.)

Lastly, I have a question. We start treatment next week and I need some advice. If you have ever gone through cancer or treatment- 
What advice would you give us that you wished you would have known about treatment? 
Example- Make sure you stock the freezer with Popsicles because that is all I ate for 6 weeks. or Wear drawstring underwear. (I'm not sure what that means either I was just thinking of something strange that you would only know if you've gone through this.) 

God is bigger than this and Jesus can fix-it. 

Wednesday, May 27, 2015

How are you doing?

My sisters mother-in-love, Charolette/Nene, tells the funniest story about one of her boys. She and her youngest son, Aaron- who was about to go into kindergarten- were out and about when they ran into the principal at the elementary school. The principal made small talk with Charolette and then looked at Aaron and asked, "Hey Aaron, How are you doing? Are you ready to start kindergarten?" Aaron responded with what only a pre-kinder could... "How's the diarrhea?"

When people ask me how are you doing? I can feel a devious grin come across my face and at the tip of my tongue is "How's the diarrhea?" It makes me laugh. God knows I love to laugh.


God has given us a gift - Not brain cancer but a door to talk to people about him through brain cancer. Yesterday, I had a conversation with a neighbor across the street and she said, "How are y'all doing? How is Jonathan? Is everything okay?" My response, "Everything is fine. Jonathan does have brain cancer and we start treatment next week but God is bigger than this." The conversation can go two ways, they either cry and I talk about how God has prepared us for this or They know God and I cry.

This morning I woke up, threw my surrender flag, gave the day to God-"Your will, Your way," and asked him what he needed me to do for him today. His response- talk about me. Have a conversation.
I'll be honest, a month ago, when God gave me the nudge to talk about him I would always say, "God, that is a little awkward and offensive just to bring up to strangers. I'm not sure how to do that gracefully. What if I just went to the gym and did some squats for you? Squats are hard and they leave you sore, how about that? or How do you feel about cake? I try not to eat carbs but I'd eat chocolate cake for you, how about that?"

But now when he asks I just respond. "Okay-let me know who you want me to talk with today." He gives us all the tools. Brain cancer is a huge tool, I'd prefer something a little smaller- like acne or premature balding- but we use what we are given.

Last Story:
Primary Care Doctor- "Are you generally healthy?"
Jonathan- "Yes, I've always been healthy....
PCD- "that's great!"
Jonathan- "well, except for the brain cancer."

What is your tool? 

God is bigger than this and Jesus can fix-it. 

Tuesday, May 26, 2015

Team Jonathan Tuesday

It's that time of week! These pictures are my favorite! Thank you for sending them to me! I love, love, love looking at all of your precious faces with a #buckupbuttercup sign. 

Rules: 
Points hold no monetary value. 
I can be bribed for more points. 
Strangers earn more points. 
More points awarded if it makes me laugh out loud. 
More points awarded for the use of Razorbacks and/or my Mom. 
International pictures automatically get 50 points. 

50 points-  I puffy pink heart your family. 


40 points- look at these faces!
 50- I mean.. they are on vacation... and look at his face. (The kid is cute too)
30 points- a flower headband is not wasted on me. 
An extra 10 points for effort!

A pregnant bride. Elvis. A retro suit. - 50 Points!
(Congratulations on 3 kids and 10 years of marriage!)
 1 million points- My sweet Henry is the giant kid in green! I love his teachers and his school. I can't say enough wonderful things about this program.
 30 points- Because that is the wall... with paint...
 50 points- This makes me want to cry. Thank you, Mauree!
50 points for our first international picture. Seoul, Korea. (Thank you, Crystal Brown!)
20 points for squishy baby
20 points for razorback
10 points for giant bow
Total 100 points.

 10 more for this face.
 40 points- for sneaking a #teamjonathan sign into a picture.
10 points for a clean floor
30 for the cute dog. He means business.
40 points total!
 40 points- My old running partner. Still running! (The only running I do now is to the grocery store.)
 40 point- cute kids and good alignment.

50 points- International picture- Spain
10 points- the ocean
Total 60 points.

This picture has the potential to be a high-pointer. 
1. Razorback in background
2. Cardboard scrap
3. Jonathan's mom
But what they failed to realize is that they are in Fayetteville, Ar. Jonathan and I love Fayetteville. That's where we met, dated, fell in love, were married, and delivered our babies. 
50 points after deductions. 
(If they were eating a Rick's Bakery Razorback Brownie they would be in the negatives)

 40 points- I love bread.
1 million points- Aunt Emily. Aunt Emily packed up her Brooklyn, NY apartment and is on her way to Dallas. She is moving to help fight cancer. Emily is the definition of "Good people":Selfless, smart, energetic, loving. She is also beautiful, 5'11, 13 pounds, has a degree from NYU and a masters from the University of Arkansas, and a job with ESPN. When we aren't fighting cancer in Texas, I'll be looking for her a tall Texan to marry... So she will never move away...
Thank you for sending pictures. I love looking at all of your beautiful faces. It also means more than words that you would take time 1. to pose for the picture 2. think/pray for my husband/family.
(That is a giant hint to Keep Sending #teamjonathan pictures.)

God is bigger than this and Jesus can fix-it. 

Monday, May 25, 2015

My last day.

I can't see the future. And I'm not in control of it. Brain Cancer or not, our days are limited. Jonathan's days are limited. My days are limited. Your days are limited. God is in control of all our futures. We are all in the same boat. And this brings me so much comfort. I don't want to be in charge. I don't want to be in control. God's plans for my life have been so much more beautiful than I could have ever imagined. He is unimaginably perfect.


Saturday, I told Jonathan that all we could do is trust God. His plan is perfect. I can't see a day in advance, all we can do is live for today. I don't know what tomorrow brings, but I have today. 

Sunday, our sermon was on "Our Favorite Sin-Worry", we sang "The solid rock" and "Tis so sweet to trust in Jesus". Either Chuck Swindoll is spying on us and our conversations, or God gave us exactly what we needed in the exact moment that we needed it. Chuck encouraged us to give the day to God. Before our feet hit the ground say, "God your will. Your way." So this morning I threw my surrender flag, gave the day to God, said, "Your will. Your way," and asked him what he needed me to do for him today. That is all I can do. Honestly, the future is much brighter when you live for the day. 

If today was my last day on earth what would I want it to include... 
1. Represent Jesus. Through action or speech.  
2. Love on my husband. Does he know how much I love and appreciate him? 
3. Love on my kids. Do they know how much I love them? Do they have enough of my love to supply them for the rest of their life?
4. Do the people I encounter- family, friends and strangers- know where I stand with the Lord? When I die I want people to say, "Girlfriend loved Jesus and Jonathan."   (Yes, I love my kids but they are easy to love, that's why God gives them to you when they are little and squishy. Grown men are not little and squishy, they are sometimes moody and messy.)

What would your last day include? 

So don't worry about tomorrow, 
for tomorrow will bring its own worries. 
Today's trouble is enough for today. - Matthew 6:34

God is bigger than this and Jesus can fix-it.

Saturday, May 23, 2015

Singing

Yesterday, I wanted a change in attitude. I left the house for an adventure with Henry and my Mom and I told myself- today is a new day, sister! You better buck-up! So I did. My mind was ready for a new attitude but my spirit matched the gray gloomy weather.

I was feeling blue again...
I could feel my pity-party about to start.
Until I heard singing.
Singing from the backseat of the car.
Singing from my sweet Henry.

  1. Jesus loves me! This I know,
    For the Bible tells me so;
    Little ones to Him belong;
    They are weak, but He is strong.

  2. Yes, Jesus loves me!
  3. Yes, Jesus loves me!
  4. Yes, Jesus loves me!
  5. The Bible tells me so.

My God is so big, so strong and so mighty 
There’s nothing that He cannot do 
My God is so big, so strong and so mighty 
There’s nothing that He cannot do 
The rivers are His, the mountains are His 
The skies are His too 
My God is so big, so strong and so mighty 
There’s nothing that He cannot do

1 I have the joy, joy, joy, joy down in my heart,
down in my heart, down in my heart!
I have the joy, joy, joy, joy down in my heart,
down in my heart to stay!



  1. Jesus loves me! This I know,
    For the Bible tells me so;
    Little ones to Him belong;
    They are weak, but He is strong.

  2. Yes, Jesus loves me!
  3. Yes, Jesus loves me!
  4. Yes, Jesus loves me!
  5. The Bible tells me so.

My God is so big, so strong and so mighty 
There’s nothing that He cannot do 
My God is so big, so strong and so mighty 
There’s nothing that He cannot do 
The rivers are His, the mountains are His 
The skies are His too 
My God is so big, so strong and so mighty 
There’s nothing that He cannot do

1 I have the joy, joy, joy, joy down in my heart,
down in my heart, down in my heart!
I have the joy, joy, joy, joy down in my heart,
down in my heart to stay!

Multiply that times all day. 

When I tucked that sweet boy into bed we sang "Jesus loves me" and when we would finish singing he would say, "One more time, mama." We sang it "one more time" a minimum of 20 times. 

I needed the reminder that Jesus loves me, I am His, I am weak, He is strong, He is big and mighty, there is nothing that my God cannot do, and He is worthy of my praise and song. 

Out of the mouth of babies and infants, 
you have established strength because of your foes, 
to still the enemy and the avenger. 
-Psalm 8:2

God is bigger than this and Jesus can fix-it. 

Friday, May 22, 2015

Rest




Jesus: "Come to me, all you who are weary and burdened, and I will give you rest.- Matthew 11:28

Mary: That is beautiful. Didn't they write that on the statue of liberty?

Jesus: No.... That is "Give me your tired, your poor, you huddled masses yearning to breathe free." 

Mary: Gotcha. 

Yesterday was a bad day. I continued my pity-party throughout the day. I was feeling sorry for myself. I ugly cried in the gym bathroom to a friend, I ugly cried in the bath tub and I ugly cried over my pizza in the middle of Costco to my mama. I just needed to get it out. Last night I prayed about a change in attitude and Jesus gave me rest. This morning I threw my surrender flag, asked God what he needed me to do today and put on my big girl panties- the kind that suck in the gut and pull over your shoulders. 

I woke up singing this too. 
"My Hope Is In You"- aaron shust

I meet with You and my soul sings out
As your word throws doubt far away
I sing to You and my heart cries
"Holy! Hallelujah, Father, You're near!"

My hope is in You, Lord
All the day long, I won't be shaken by drought or storm
A peace that passes understanding is my song
And I sing my hope is in You, Lord

I wait for You and my soul finds rest
In my selfishness, You show me grace
I worship You and my heart cries "Glory
Hallelujah, Father, You're here!"

My hope is in You, Lord
All the day long I won't be shaken by drought or storm
A peace that passes understanding is my song
And I sing my hope is in You, Lord

I will wait on You
You are my refuge
I will wait on You
You are my refuge

My hope is in You, Lord, all the day long
I won't be shaken by drought or storm
My hope is in You, Lord
All the day long I won't be shaken by drought or storm

A peace that passes understanding is my song
And I sing my hope is in You, Lord
My hope is in You, Lord, yeah
My hope is in You, Lord

Today is a new day.


This is the day the Lord has made;
We will rejoice and be glad in it.
-Psalm 118:24

God is bigger than this and Jesus can fix-it.