Tuesday, February 26, 2019

Just a note...

I started this blog 10 years ago to document Lucy growing up. I'm so glad I did. I was faithfully writing for the first 4 years, then less when Henry was born, and then more when Jonathan was diagnosed. I found this an outlet to share updates, hurts, and God's faithfullness. I'm blown away by the people who don't know us and who have grown to pray for my family. Thank you. Thank you for the emails. Thank you for the notes. Thank you for the comments. Thank you for the prayers.

(Thank you for the grace when I don't respond)

4 weeks ago if you told me that Jonathan would have just finished the 3rd round of iv chemo I would have laughed in your face. I'm so thankful that God has slowed down my time wtih Jonathan. During the day time moves so slow but as soon as my kids get home its back to business.

I'm reminded of the Reba song- I guess the world didn't stop for my broken heart....

Because as my world/heart is breaking everything around me keeps moving and going. We are trying to keep things normal for the kids so we are still doing school, homework, spelling words, reading, soccer, volleyball, eating 5x a day, baths, making of the beds, laundry, snacks.

(I'm thankful for all of the help I have, Jonathan's parents, Dennis and Delta, My parents, Aunt Laura and Uncle Ryan, Aunt Emily, Church Family, DC, Friends, Neighbors)

I made the kids a chore chart and they are learning to be more responsible. Henry loves to work and Lucy love the responsibility.

God is bigger than this. He is faithful. He shows up everday. He has supplied us with peace and comfort. Some days are good, some days are bad. But he is always good. My prayer to him lately is "I'm going to let you figure this out." Most of the time it's with sincere trust that I say that and other times it's in a sassy voice.... But Always with Trust. He has seen down the corridor of time, he has collected all my tears. God is good at being God.

That's it. That's my update. We just keep on keepin' on. 

Friday, February 1, 2019


We rejoice in our sufferings, knowing that suffering produces endurance, and endurance produces character, and character produces hope, and hope does not put us to shame, because God's love has been poured into our hearts through the holy spirit who has been given to us. - Romans 5:3-5

My hope is in Jesus and the promise of heaven. He has given me peace that passes all understanding and it's the only reason that I am still able to get out of bed today.

Jonathan's health has declined rapidly.

We ask for prayers for all of our family and privacy. You don't need the details to pray, you just need to pray.

I'm thankful and comforted that none of this has surprised God. He has seen down the corridor of time and he knows our hours, days, and future. I can see every day where he is providing. Things I couldn't even think to pray for, He has provided for us. I am sitting in trust.  

Thank you for your continued love, support, and prayers. Your cards, texts, and notes have meant the world to Jonathan and me. 

God is bigger than this and Jesus Can Fix-it. 

Friday, January 18, 2019

I've been Thinking....

Disclaimer- I'm feeling a little SASSY today.... 

Dear Friends. 

Thank you for all of the prayers for our family. Jonathan started his oral chemo last night. So far so good. He will do a low dose of chemo every night and will start iv chemo next week after his port is inserted. 

Again, Thank you for Praying. 

Mary (non-sassy)

Now Sassy Mary... 

Common Phrases I've heard the past few weeks

I'm praying for you! (Thank you!) 
I'm Thinking of you...
I'm sending light your way... 
I'm sending you good vibes...

Please don't think of me. I know what you are thinking. "Wow, that is hard. I'm glad that is not me." And then you hug your husband a little tighter and move on with your day. We've all done it... If you start to think of me the most useful thing to do is Pray. 

Now, Let's talk about Sending Light and Good Vibes my way.  I don't even know what that is. You might as well send me the flu. It is useless to me. If you want to send anything my way, send cash. 
(No, I don't need money. But it is more useful to me than light, vibes, sunshine or the flu.) 

So there you have it... Prayers or Money are what you can send my way. 

God is bigger than this and Jesus Can fix-it. 

Wednesday, January 16, 2019

A morning reminder

My morning reading just so happened to include our family verse. 

And after you have suffered a little while, the God of all grace, who has called you to his eternal glory in Christ, will himself restore, confirm, strengthen, and establish you.
-1 Peter 5:10

I love that Jesus, himself is going to restore, confirm, strengthen and establish us. Again, He's in the business of relationships. I also love this verse because it makes me CRAVE Heaven. It's going to be a glorious day. 

God is bigger than this and Jesus Can Fix-it. 

Tuesday, January 15, 2019

Prayers Answered

Thank you for all the sweet comments on here, Facebook, Instagram, and texts. Y'all are so sweet to follow our story and still love us and pray for us.

Just a little prayer update-
1. Jonathan's chemo meds have been approved. Insurance gets moving when JC gets involved. Proof, I called last week several times to move them along, they were not having any part of me.

2. Jonathan will have a port placed next Tuesday. Hopefully, he will start the iv chemo then.

God is bigger than this and Jesus Can Fix-it. 

Sunday, January 13, 2019

A new year, a new update.

Remember me? I used to blog on this space....

You might see me more often. I need to talk through some things and this is a place where I like to do that.

7 weeks ago Jonathan went in for a routine MRI and a new spot appeared. We had to wait for 6 weeks for a follow-up scan. We waited silently, we prayed, we lived life and we only told a few people.

I planned a trip during those 6 weeks, something to look forward to and something to take my mind off the waiting. We went to New York City two weeks ago and during our trip, we realized something was wrong. We took an early flight home and waited for Jonathan's scan which was last Tuesday.

Tuesday we discovered that Jonathan's new tumor grew. Unfortunately, the trial that he qualified for didn't work like we were hoping. The tumor can't be operated on. He will have a port put in next week and will start both oral chemo and iv chemo.

He isn't driving right now in case what we saw in New York was a small seizure. He is still working.

We tried to keep this from the kids but Lucy is a modern day sleuth and put some pieces together and knew something was wrong. We had a conversation, some tears, and some hugs. I can't protect her from this and that hurts. I also can't promise her that her dad won't die and that hurts.

I've been angry. Like really angry. I told Jesus if he was standing in front of me right now I'd punch him in the face. I imagine he laughed... I woke up a few days ago and decided I was tired of being angry and I prayed and opened up my bible. I opened to James and started my next chapter. After reading the first chapter I get a text (maybe 2 minutes after reading) and my BFF sent me the exact verses I had just read. God is in the business of relationships and he was happy I was seeking him in my pain.
Here's what he said-

Testing of Your Faith

Count it all joy, my brothers,[b] when you meet trials of various kinds, for you know that the testing of your faith produces steadfastness. And let steadfastness have its full effect, that you may be perfect and complete, lacking in nothing.
If any of you lacks wisdom, let him ask God, who gives generously to all without reproach, and it will be given him. But let him ask in faith, with no doubting, for the one who doubts is like a wave of the sea that is driven and tossed by the wind. For that person must not suppose that he will receive anything from the Lord; he is a double-minded man, unstable in all his ways.

In my hurt, I've been searching for the invisible presence of God-
The Research assistant said that he was surprised Jonathan could still walk because of the size and placement of the tumor. God's in the business of miracles. 

Prayer Request-
1. Insurance is moving pretty slow... we need approval for a port and our chemo meds. 
2. Healing, shrinking of the tumor. 
3. Lucy. Henry.
4. That I will seek Jesus over my fear and anger. 

God is bigger than this and Jesus Can fix it.

Wednesday, September 19, 2018

After Surgery Update...

(I made him take this back to work picture...)

Two weeks after brain surgery and this guy is back to work! Yesterday he got his stitches out and was cleared to drive.

We also received his pathology report. We were told before surgery that the new tumor was very aggressive and most likely glioblastoma. Yesterday we were told that it is still grade 3 astrocytoma, which is great news for bad news.

The past month I've struggled with letting God be God. Knowing he can fix this but believing he won't. And then I realized that I'm not promised an easy life, but because of Jesus, I'm promised heaven. And that is enough for me.

God Is Bigger Than This...