Friday, July 3, 2015

I Fear.

I'm going to be honest and a little bit vulnerable...

I'm scared.

I have a brain cancer friend who I met on the internet. Her family, like mine, is going through the same storm. She has 6 daughters and a husband, like mine, with a busted head. Recently, they were cleared with a clean bill of health through their latest MRI. They made family plans and then Boom!- a seizure!

This doesn't end. 

I went to bed after hearing this news in total fear. I don't fear anything. So, I prayed.

God, take this fear away. I want to trust you. I know anything is possible with you. I know that you are here. I know you are taking care of us. I know you have this under control.

I am strapped to Jesus' leg. Like a kid. I am sitting on his foot, arms and legs crossed onto his leg. He is all I have.

I am lucky to be in the constant presence of our Lord. It's almost enviable...  He is my everything. But it is as if my house is on fire and he is the emergency team that showed up. Hey, I'm really glad you are here and you are with me BUT I really wish my house wasn't on fire. Please, don't leave until the fire is out, K! In the middle of my Hell- I find Jesus. Heaven on earth.

Just because my faith is in God and love is in Jesus does not mean He will make this go away. That is my will. (Doesn't mean I won't stop asking.. Jesus petitions to the Father on my/your behalf) I know that He can fix this. I know that He is bigger than this. I also know that the more control and trust I give him the more room He has to show off. Here you go, JC, I'm laying on the floor so you can have enough arm room to work with. 

But Jesus immediately said to them: "Take courage! It is I. Don't be afraid."
-Matthew 14:27

God is bigger than this and Jesus can fix-it. 

Thursday, July 2, 2015

Week Off and Starting Back

The kids and I have enjoyed our week off. We have missed each other. We have spent the week playing with Cookie and playing in the pool. 

My 11 year old nephew is in town for the next 2.5 weeks. Thankfully, my friend, has a 13 year old brother that we could get together with. They both enjoy minecraft and star wars. Best Friend material!

Taylor: Aunt Mary, why do you not know any 11 year old boys that I could play with?

Mary: Taylor, it is highly inappropriate for me to befriend 11 year old boys... 

Heather, Henry, and I (and my mullet) at the pool. 
(We are not naked)
I invited them to my pool but we wouldn't all fit...
Taylor and Nathan
 All the kids minus Henry. 
 Just to share- this is my new pool cover-up. I bought it at the goodwill... for $3. It's a 3x sheer top that was too pretty not to buy!
 This is my new juicy couture dress. $4 at my favorite resale shop. It looks brand new..

(That mirror is a project mirror. I obviously need to finish it.)

Today I will start taking Jonathan to treatment again. I've enjoyed a break, thank you David for taking over driving duties. I hope the break settled my road rage... (more on that later) Also a praise that we don't have treatment tomorrow and we get to spend the long weekend as a family!

God is bigger than this and Jesus can fix-it!

Wednesday, July 1, 2015


Since we found out about the Brain Cancer, we have made some big changes in our household. Some have been easy, while others have been a constant battle. I may have to start a series called Hippie Living because we are turning granola up in here.

1. Food
No more oreos, pop-tarts, diet Dr. pepper or Monster energy drinks. This was Jonathan's diet... some of you just spit out your pop-tart. I have cleaned the pantry of processed foods. We eat limited sugar- mostly from fruit. We eat a lot of vegetables with protein. I also limit our carbs- Carbs have sugar.

I cleaned up my diet in 2008. One year after Lucy was born. I had to lose the 40 pounds of baby weight that I had gained. I learned how to count calories and eliminate processed food. (I'll have to dig up a picture of "Cinnamon Pop-tart". She is a sight to see.) I cleaned up my diet and as a family we always ate a balanced dinner together but I didn't cut out the families processed food.

It has been a change. Little Henry whispered to Cookie, "Cookie, will you take me to Walmart and buy me some pop-tarts."

Our rule- If God didn't make it we shouldn't eat it... There are no pop-tart trees.

2. Chemicals
I am slowly taking the chemicals out of our house. No more Clorox. This is hard. I don't feel like our bathroom is clean unless it smells like the city pool!
-Mainly I clean with Vinegar and Thieves spray.
-I've even made my own soap... (I'll post recipes later)

3. Voodoo Oils
I have bought into the voodoo oils. We do it for calming and relaxing. I love our young living diffuser. I have even caught Jonathan starting it by himself if he goes to bed before me. (I'm not making a career out of selling these oils but if you are interested in some more information I can help you get started)

4. Plants
I have 8 indoor plants. They help purify the air. I also like the look of an indoor plants. I have an alarm on my phone that reminds me to water them.

5. Recycling
We have always recycled but now I have started a compost. My thoughts on recycling- If God put enough effort into creating the earth: plants, trees, animals, then He found it worthy enough of His time and I should take care of His creation.

6. Second Hand Shopping
This isn't a change.This is just part of my hippie living. I love second hand shopping. It is an adventure every time I go! Things are so cheap! The majority of my clothes are resale. Also my home furnishing. I'll have to post some of my favorite finds. People get rid of some of the best stuff- especially in Frisco, TX.

I'm a hippie. Next I'll have dreadlocks and wear tevas...
1. I love tevas... They are so comfortable.
2. I don't brush my hair. It takes the curl out. I just run my fingers through it, gel it and go. But, I have been known to get a dreadlock. The worst part is when I show up for a hair appointment and my stylist finds it before I do!! I can usually brush them out...

If I could emphasis just one of these things, It would be to clean up your diet! Veggies are delicious and so good for you!

I'd love to hear your hippie tips!

God is bigger than this and Jesus can fix-it. 

Tuesday, June 30, 2015

Weekend Review

 I don't have anything to talk about but I do have some random pictures on my phone.

Jonathan's parents are here for the week and they are helping out with the chaos that is the Texas-Bost house. David Bost is taking over the driving duties for the week. Becky is watching the kiddos so I can run errands.  It's bad when all you have in your fridge is cream cheese and squash.  I'm taking the week off from treatments to play with the kids also. Henry is having a hard time and needs some mama time/discipline- He loses his mind when he thinks he is in charge. :)

The Cobles left on Saturday but before they left we spent as much time with them as possible.

Splash park/park time.

 Friday, Jonathan had a later radiation time. We decided to make the most out of being at dallas at 5:00 so we had a triple date with the Cobles and my parents. It was our last hoorah before they headed back to Georgia.

Team Jonathan!

 Dinner in Dallas with my love.
 Mary: Hey, take a blurry picture with me!
Jonathan: Okay.
 Mary: Let's take another one just to make sure we got a good one!
Jonathan: Okay...
Me and my sissy. (We missed you emmy.) Real quick lets discuss the romper- There is nothing sassier than a romper. I felt like a mom rockstar! Thanks Dayle for tracking down the cutest romper ever!
On Saturday, a blast from the past showed up at my front door! Elizabeth from Bentonville! It was so fun to catch up, laugh, and pray with you, Elizabeth! Also, Elizabeth showed up looking like a movie star and I had on my pajamas and bed hair...
 Yesterday I had a Dr. Appt and needed to run errands. Before I went to the store I stopped by our Sunday schools group swim party to say hi to all my people. I love this group and all the fun things we do together!

Fyi- Pam is not naked!

God is bigger than this and Jesus can fix-it. 

Monday, June 29, 2015

I have a staring problem.

Stare- look fixedly or vacantly at someone or something with one's eyes wide open.

There is a lady at church and I can't help but stare at her. Our sanctuary holds 5000 people. We sit in the back. (Mainly because it takes us two years to drop our kids off in their classes.) She sits on the exact opposite end of the sanctuary from us. There are 1000 people in between us and she stands out. 

I can hear her worship above everyone. She is louder than the choir. Her love for Jesus is evident in her face. When she sings she glows. I can't take my eyes off of her. 

Jonathan always catches me when I stare... "Mary, what are you looking at?" "I'm watching this lady sing." "Why?" "Because I want to love Jesus the way she does, I want people to see it across my face. I want to be able to not say a single word and people say, "Girlfriend loves Jesus." 

To which Jonathan replies, "I don't think you are suppose to stare and deaf people. It's kind of rude, babe." 

I can't help it. She loves Jesus and I can see it on her face and in every hand sign. I can see her love for Jesus over all the loud voices. Yesterday, we sang Amazing Grace and I almost cried watching her.  It was too beautiful not to stare. 

This is how we are suppose to worship. We are the hands and feet of Jesus on earth: May our actions speak louder than our voices and may we stand out because of Him. 

God is bigger than this and Jesus can fix-it. 

Friday, June 26, 2015

We're okay and Something Amazing.

I'm sorry. I haven't gone to the dark side. This has been a long week. Here are a few updates.

We have 13 more treatments left. They are getting harder on Jonathan each time. You can see it physically drain him but by the time we get home he feels better and we continue on with our night. He finishes working and I play with the kids.

Henry is having a hard time. He doesn't like to be separated from me. This has rocked his little world. He screams for me if I leave the room. He follows me everywhere. He cried the other day and called for me and said, "Mommy, come and get your baby. He is crying." Guys- the kids is three...

Now that she knows what is going on She is fine. The Cobles have occupied her time and thoughts the past three weeks!

I am tired. Mostly because of Henry and Traffic. Does anyone have a helicopter? I could use one for the next 2.5 weeks. My mom treated my sisters and I to a massage. Laura and I had a couples massage. Weird? No, my sisters are my bffs! Anyway, she said she was pretty relaxed until I started snoring.... I woke up feeling so good!

Something Amazing-
I remember holding newborn Lucy in my arms. I couldn't take my eyes off of her. I was mesmerized  at her tiny body. How could this tiny person have all of the organs and bones that I have in me condensed down to such a small body? That was the first time I really realized just how amazing God was. He had this whole thing figured out. Every inch of her was perfectly thought over and designed. And my mind was blown and I cried about how wonderful He was. Sometimes when I get a little overwhelmed I imagine that sweet newborn 7 pound 14 ounce bald baby. She was perfect because of him. (She was also colicky because of him but I'll bring that to his attention later.)

God is bigger than this and Jesus Can fix-it. 

Thursday, June 25, 2015


Hey God,
I'm tired. I know you love me. I know you know my future. I know you have this whole thing planned. I know you know how it ends. I can feel you smirk at your plans that I don't know. But I'm tired. I'm worn out. I'm stretched thin in every aspect of my life. I'm tired. I love you and your son. (Jesus-wipe that smirk off your face- I can't see the future-I'm tired!)

PS- Also, while you are doing great things will you help henry sleep past 4:45?

God is bigger than this and Jesus can fix-it.