Friday, July 3, 2015

I Fear.

I'm going to be honest and a little bit vulnerable...

I'm scared.

I have a brain cancer friend who I met on the internet. Her family, like mine, is going through the same storm. She has 6 daughters and a husband, like mine, with a busted head. Recently, they were cleared with a clean bill of health through their latest MRI. They made family plans and then Boom!- a seizure!

This doesn't end. 

I went to bed after hearing this news in total fear. I don't fear anything. So, I prayed.

God, take this fear away. I want to trust you. I know anything is possible with you. I know that you are here. I know you are taking care of us. I know you have this under control.

I am strapped to Jesus' leg. Like a kid. I am sitting on his foot, arms and legs crossed onto his leg. He is all I have.

I am lucky to be in the constant presence of our Lord. It's almost enviable...  He is my everything. But it is as if my house is on fire and he is the emergency team that showed up. Hey, I'm really glad you are here and you are with me BUT I really wish my house wasn't on fire. Please, don't leave until the fire is out, K! In the middle of my Hell- I find Jesus. Heaven on earth.

Just because my faith is in God and love is in Jesus does not mean He will make this go away. That is my will. (Doesn't mean I won't stop asking.. Jesus petitions to the Father on my/your behalf) I know that He can fix this. I know that He is bigger than this. I also know that the more control and trust I give him the more room He has to show off. Here you go, JC, I'm laying on the floor so you can have enough arm room to work with. 

But Jesus immediately said to them: "Take courage! It is I. Don't be afraid."
-Matthew 14:27

God is bigger than this and Jesus can fix-it. 

1 comment:

Renee Miller said...

I'm praying for your family.