Monday, April 25, 2016

Weekend Review: It's been a year since the beginning of cancer.

 It's been a year since Jonathan's seizure, finding of the mass-which we would later find out was brain cancer. Today, one year ago, Jonathan had brain surgery. Surgery on his brain. I'm going to be totally honest with y'all... I'm having a hard time getting through this week, my PTS is in full force and I remember ever detail to the fullest. I am reliving every moment of last year.

Yesterday, we celebrated the only way we know how, WITH CAKE! And just like the day of his seizure we celebrated with a BUCK UP BUTTERCUP cake. 

We have learned a lot this year and continue to learn everyday.
1. I can't fix this and I quit trying.
2. The difference in having faith and having to live out your faith. (money where your mouth is..)
3. God is close to the broken-hearted. Jesus drags me out of bed every morning and God gives me just enough strength for that day. Mary Bost is the weakest person I know. She has no strength. (Except my biceps... and I am a squatting fool..) I can do all things through Christ who strengthens me... He really is holding me up.
4. How to live for the day, that's all we have- I can't see past today.
5. How to surrender every single day. Every morning, "God, your will, your way." 
6. God has made me fearless. I don't always want to do what is in front of me but I have no fear.

Now for a funny story. My PTS just reminded me that a year ago, Jonathan was taken back for his 6 hour surgery and I fell apart. Full panic attack and my family prayed over me and then my mom drugged me and I slept for the majority of his surgery. I don't remember much of the in between time but my friends and family tease me about eating a burrito. I remember it being a good burrito, maybe the best I've ever had but in my drugged state I gave running commentary of every single bite, flavor, texture, bean, etc... Someone should have probably filmed it...

Anyway, yesterday we celebrated.

 Not sure what's wrong with my kids...


I needed to be surrounded by friends and they showed up. These girls have loved me through a lot, I'm not an easy friend to have  but they love me and let me vent, cry, laugh, cuss and sit silent.

Alright, I need a little positive affirmation... I'm needy I guess. If you read this blog, if you have followed our story, if you've been encouraged or offended, if you like my hair, or think my husband is really handsome I'm going to need to hear from you today.. Maybe you are a friend, maybe you are a stranger... I don't know who you are unless you leave a comment... Brain Cancer, now you have to do it.

God is bigger than this and Jesus can fix-it. 

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