Tuesday, August 9, 2016

I've been thinking: White Flags, instruments and speedos.


Do you ever think that what you do is not important?

I have. A LOT LATELY.

I'm a mom. I'm a wife. I'm a daughter of the king and a spreader of His word.

I broke my kids over the summer. Lucy's teacher gave me a well behaved, well-mannered, considerate, active, reading 1st grader and I'm returning  a bored, high-energy, tv addicted, "What's for lunch?", (but still reading) 2nd grader. And poor Henry is addicted to potty words and the taste of vinegar from the disciplining of potty words... Neither sleep in their own bed (they have to sleep together- sometimes on a bed, sometimes on the floor), I do good to get their teeth brushed once a day and Lucy has a swimming ear plug stuck in her hair from a week ago....

My kids are broken. My husband is broken. I am broken.

I have this fleeting vision of running away. Then I realize that is crazy and I get on with my day. (I've analyzed this feeling. Questioning if it is depression or the need for school to start. Verdict: School needs to start)

Yesterday morning, I was walking down the stairs carrying a load of laundry to the laundry room and I had a new vision- "Hand it to me, Mary." 

So, I handed Jesus the laundry and told him to wash it on cold...

Jesus side-eyed me. "I'm good at washing and purifying stains." He 1John 1:7-ed me... 

Instead, I handed him my surrender flag. (again) I handed him my brokenness. (again)

And I told him- I work for you, JC.

I want you to use me.

I want to be your instrument. 
(Not like a tuba that is loud and heavy or a flute that is dainty, sweet and winded but something in between- like an oboe or tambourine- something with a little sass. And then I remembered not to limit JC. I'll be your tuba if that is what you need me to be..)

I want to be a tool in your tool box. 
(Not heavy handed like a hammer, or single tasked like a Phillips head screwdriver. But multi-tasked like a Flathead screwdriver or a Swiss-army knife. Again, Jesus, I will not limit you. I will be whatever you need me to be. (an air-pressure staple-gun is pretty awesome too)

I want to glorify you. 

After tucking the kids into bed, Jonathan and I settled into our comfy chairs and watched the men's diving on the Olympics.

After winning the silver medal for synchronized diving, both David Boudia and Steele Johnson said, "This does not define me. My identity is in Christ."

Whoa! These boys used a speedo to Glorify God.

My thoughts at that moment:
1. Why did I not name my child Steele Johnson?
2. God can use anything or anyone.
3. I hope God doesn't need me to glorify him in a speedo. I'll do it but it might not have the same effect...

So there you have it... All the thoughts in my head.
To summarize:
I'm failing at being a mom. My kids are driving me crazy. My husband has the brain cancer. I want to run away. Jesus swooped in to save me. I just want to glorify God. I'll be his tool or his instrument. My Identity is in Christ. I'll wear a speedo if that is what it takes to bring people to Christ.

God is bigger than this and Jesus can fix-it. 

No comments: